What should I do if I am not part of the parent group at school?

When we send our sons and daughters to school, it becomes more and more common to form a gang with the other parents, to meet them outside the school environment and even to join WhatsApp groups. However, in this situation, there are people who are afraid of not conforming or, directly, who do not feel comfortable in this type of environment. What can I do if I am not part of the parent group at school? Will I be the “weird mom”? Will my relationship with other parents affect my son’s relationship with his peers?

3 Basic Considerations About Parent Groups at School

Then we will talk about some aspects that we must take into account when we do not feel comfortable in these circumstances.

1. The parents of your children’s friends do not have to be, a prioriyour friends

Don’t force yourself to make connections that don’t come naturally. Not everyone has the same interests, tastes or topics of conversation. And friendship is not something that has to be forced, rather it is a relationship that emerges when there are things in common. However, yes we must be friendly, say hello and be willing to have a conversation anytime. In other words, even if we are not going to go on a trip together, we can communicate cordially in the spaces in which we coincide and, inevitably, if our children are friends, these spaces will exist.

2. Check if this happens to you with specific people or if it is a general feeling

Sometimes, in adulthood, we become aware of a fact that may have gone unnoticed before; we refer to lack of social skills. Some, from their motherhood or fatherhood, is when they really understand that it is very difficult for them to interact with strangers. These difficulties manifest themselves especially when boys and girls have conflicts with each other and intervention is necessary.

But that shouldn’t be a problem for everyone. However, in the event that we find that it causes us any inconvenience or impediment, yes, it is advisable to check if there are aspects that we should work on ourselves. For example, there are families who decide not to go to the park to avoid socializing and also deprive their sons and daughters of this type of interaction. And that, clearly, harms them.

3. WhatsApp groups are optional, not required

This point should be clear. The creation of WhatsApp groups of fathers and mothers at the beginning of each course is a fairly widespread trend. In principle, they have a function, but there are often people who exceed them. That’s why it’s convenient decide in advance and together on their mission to really know if you want to be part of it or not.

What is the purpose of this group? For what purpose was it created? The answer to these questions will determine its usefulness. Is it a space to protect our sons and daughters from being forgotten on the agenda? Is it used to organize birthdays between several families? Does it allow you to be better informed of what is happening at school? Whatever your task, It is the decision of each adult to continue or leave. Likewise, if being in a lot of bands causes us unnecessary stress, that’s another reason to leave.

Likewise, it is important to make decisions safely and in accordance with our principles or our vital situation. For instance, if our choice is to get out of their WhatsApp, we must not be afraid of judgment or criticism that this determination can engender, above all because they do not have to occur.

Ultimately, It’s okay if someone doesn’t fit into the parent group at school, but that doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship has to be bad.. The same way we don’t have to invite our neighbors over for dinner, and we can have friendly conversations with them in the elevator or talk about issues affecting the community.

Beatriz Alonso Sanchez
psychologist and pedagogue
Bilbao Psychology Center

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